Sunday, March 19, 2006
ok somehow this turns out to be another sleepless night again. so this is gonna be another 4am post. actually time now is 4.35am lol. ok yesterday choir was really really bad for me! gosh omg i made nelson so angry because i was hesitant to come in.sigh omg i feel so sad like i've let everyone down! its like everyone was singing so intensely and like the whole build up to the climax was there and like so damn happening.
AND THEN I WAS TOO SCARED TO COME IN WITH THE BLOODY SCREAM. urgh. if i had a gun i would have just shot myself. i'm really really sorry. sigh i dunno what's wrong with me la but then yesterday my stupid voice just wouldn't warm up.oh crap la. i should just seriously go and die now and i am majorly pissed off with myself. someone just slap me.
urgh.
ok anyway so after feeling like a complete moron/fool/idiot after choir, went to eat katong laksa with genrong jolencia and rachel. and then later genrong was so nice haha he accompanied me on the super long bus ride to harbourfront cos i was going sentosa for class outing. ya and we talked about lots and lots of stuff on the bus. its been quite a while since i had such a nice convo with someone haha. ok anyways so the class outing was basically a blast. like so super fun. omg we should organise it like regularly. at least it helps me to snap out of depression for a little while. ok so we had lots of assholic fun playing vball and taking crazy photos and stuff! and then after that we headed over to suntec carl's jr for dinner. carl's jr is like
THE place for class dinners! we
ALWAYS go there la. and then we played some funny game something like truth or dare la wih alcoholic drinks and tomato juice(
EWW. like to the max) and then later went to starbucks for sinful indulgence in green tea frapp. and then talked and talked with ricey and onelin again. haha n reached home at 11. so super tired now cans!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
alright. i haven't had the time to blog in quite a while. haha. ok so i shall like do it now ( at 4 am) since i m currently a depressed and hopeless imsomniac. i can't sleep!!!! omg later still have choir and class outing. urgh dunno if i can survive the day.
ok basically life sucks now for me. i just don't really feel happy in jc. as in yeah u may see me smiling and laughing and stuff but then inside i'm just not happy. maybe this is just a transcient stage that i will soon grow out of. sigh dunno la. my schoolwork is in a whole disastrous whirligigacious mess! lots of undone stuff and stupidstupid chinese homeworks which r waywayway past their due date. oh and not forgeting the need to catch up on horrid mind boggling econs and maths lectures. bleargh. i hope after italy, i'll be able to get things more settled la.
and another things that's bothering me is this whole thing abt frens. ya i was kinda super depressed over the whole tragic story of 06A13, and i am still currently floating in the state of semi-depression here. ya but whats really gets me down is the fact that i feel that i'm drifting away from my old frens. cos we r in different schools and everything, and basically we all lead different lives now. so its kinda hard to expect things to be the same. i dont blame any of u. maybe i should just blame myself for not doing enough. but i just want to say one thing, no matter where the paths in life lead us, i'll always always remember all of u. and nothing can ever happen to change how much each of u mean to me. i dunno how but often i spent most of my waking hours wondering how all of u r doing and stuff, and yet i'm hesitant to pick up the phone to call cos i'm afraid i'll be rejected cos u r all too busy. ( and none of u might even be reading this) so instead of having someone to call and talk to everyday, i now spend most of my stupid life shuffling from school, choir and then home. its like my house is some kind of hotel where i only come home to eat and sleep. and i m basically MARRIED to choir. i'm not complaining or anything, but i really do love choir! oh and i want to watch so many movies but then everyone seems to be to busy or they're going out with their new frens now. sigh wadeva. maybe its time for me to let go of the past and look towards the future, but really, what the future holds is nothing compared to the past which holds my precious memories.
i would give anything just to experience the past. i know most people say its really silly living in the past, but i don't give a damn about most people. the only thing good abt my life now is my wonderful class and perhaps some of the people in choir.
to all my bestest friends: i miss all of u lots!
bring me back to the past.